Journal from theEdge: By Ginger Harstedt*
Sunday
Life on this side of world is somewhat of a roller coaster. I don’t even know how to describe it, but sometimes, I don’t know exactly how, I can go from the depths to the heights and back to the depths again in an instant.
I went to a wedding last week and something I ate did not agree with my stomach. I spent the first part of the week trying to get over that sickness. One night, walking back from meeting people at the park, I felt this horrible overwhelming desperation.
I was so tired and weak and overwhelmed by language and the totally different culture I live in day in and day out. The smells of trash and urine were so strong I almost threw up. All of a sudden, I felt like there was no way that I could even put another foot in front of the other. The Lord told me, “You’re right. You can’t do it, but I can.”
I felt like I had no energy to keep going, but I continued to walk on the road home. Things felt so overwhelming, and then, the song His Strength Is Perfect popped into my head.
His strength is perfect, when our strength is gone. He’ll carry us, when we can’t carry on. Raised in his power, the weak become strong, His strength is perfect.
At that moment, I was comforted by the One who was carrying me when I could not take another step. Sometimes I think surrendering to come here was sacrifice enough, but then I remember that I have to daily surrender my will and my desires to him. I can do nothing without Him!
Not everything is a struggle, and the longer I am here the more life becomes normal. I also find ways to enjoy things that are different about the culture. I like watching local films and cooking indigenous food. I even bought a bike! It is pink and has a big basket and a bell!
I have to keep reminding myself to drive on the other side of the road, but it feels so good to have wheels again. It just takes more energy than driving my car in America. So now I can ride my bike the eight kilometers to my language helper’s house everyday as well as go to the market and put the vegetables in the basket to bring them home. Fun times!
Tuesday
One thing you quickly realize in South Asia is that there are times you have to turn your gaze. Usually, it is because of a dead animal on the side of the road, someone bathing, or people relieving themselves on the side of the road. At first, I was appalled at the seeming lack of desire for privacy, but, to them, privacy is granted them when others don’t look. So, I have learned to look the other way.
If you make eye contact with merchants selling things, especially on a tourist street, you have just told them that you are going to buy their stuff. Also, single girls can give the wrong impression to a man if they look him in the eye, so I am learning to turn my gaze away.
In the process of learning how to look away, God is also teaching me how and when not to look away. I don’t want to be like the Pharisee that passed on the other side of the road and refused to help when he saw the man who had been beaten and left on the road to Jericho.
I don’t want to turn my gaze away when it is hard. I don’t want to turn away when I see begging children that look sick; or families living in tents on the side of the road; or people offering pooja (worship) to gods that I know are not listening; or when I stay for hours at a baby-naming ceremony, where the parents cannot give the baby the name they chose because names are selected by a priest who uses an astrological chart to decide the name.
I especially don’t want to look away from the hardship of life here. Even on days when I don’t feel like caring, I know my calling is to show the love of the One who died for me. I don’t want to miss what God wants me to see. Even though these things are so hard to look at, I don’t want to be become hard to the reality that the people around me are lost and dying without Christ. He is showing me that his love is huge and covers all of our faults. We are all in need of a Savior.
Saturday
My language skills are improving, but language is still a struggle sometimes. I am catching more and more of what people say, and it is exciting when I am able to talk to someone and make sentences on my own.
I really love being able to talk, but my limited knowledge of grammar makes it really tough to have as many conversations as I would like. This difficulty is pushing me forward, though. I really do want to be able to say all that I want to say.
I have finally learned all the tenses, past, present, future, and daily life. I don’t know why daily life is a tense, but my language helper told me it was important. It is how you say something that you do daily.
My language helper, Arti* is my best friend in my town. I love being with her and her family, but it is hard to see them do their daily pooja. I am constantly trying to find new ways to say no to the sweets that they have offered to the gods. It is called prashad, and it is very rude to say no, but I don’t like the way it tastes. I don’t like any of the local sweets! They are way too sugary, and they are made with think substances like buffalo milk and ghee (purified butter). I daily come up with some creative reason why I cannot take the sweets, or I find a way to hide them in my purse or something! I really want to see this whole family come to know the Truth.
Wednesday
Last week, I went with a friend to a city about six hours away by train. We had not gotten our train tickets until about three days before we left, but we did not think that the train would be full. Where we were going is not really a tourist city, or even an ideal vacation spot.
It turned out we were 39th on the waiting list to get tickets! They promised me that we would have a seat, but I was worried! They told me to wait until four hours before the train left and then we could get our seats confirmed. Being a planner, this killed me, but there was no other option. There is only one train a day to this city. We ended up getting our tickets, but they were in sleeper class with no air conditioner. This is not really an ideal way to travel, but we are young, so we figured we could handle it.
On the train, there were three tiers that serve as beds, and we got on the upper one. If you ever travel this way, don’t sit up straight, you will hit your head on the ceiling. And if your hair is long, put it in ponytail. The fan that is directly in between the berths can pull things like hair into the back of the fan! It was painful! But we made it to our destination in one piece.
My friend and I were attending a training program for national believers and were in charge of the music. My friend has been here a year longer than I have and has really learned a lot about local music. She plays the traditional drum and she sings in the local language well. It was amazing to see the people get so excited when she sang in their musical style with their instruments.
It was really good for me to see, because it is what I hope to learn as time goes on. So, I was able to learn more about music and trainings, and I was just encouraged to see national brothers and sisters worshipping. Watching their faces as we sang was one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. Their faces were radiant with praise to the Most High God.
We also shared the Lord’s Supper. We used left over roti (flat bread) and some local soft drink. Before the Lord’s Supper was taken, the believers wanted to make sure everyone who had accepted Jesus had been baptized. Three or four people asked to be baptized before we served communion.
Everyone went outside to a small water trough. It was only about four foot by four foot, and about five feet deep. One at a time, they stepped into the trough and the leader would ask them about when they accepted Jesus. Then, he would push them down in to the water. It was amazing to see how they created a full immersion in a place where there was no baptismal or a river or anything.
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*Names changed for security purposes.
Ginger Harstedt is a Journeyman serving on theEdge in South Asia.